#people who have only emailed me about an issue and not them. and also the general AccessCos recognize my work specifically too

[the-wrong-providence]

A Week On The Water - Chapter 2

Series Masterlist - Previous Chapter

Pairing: Harry Castillo x F!Reader

Summary: You're used to being the youngest, unseen and unnoticed by the people you're surrounded with, not particularly wanting the life that your parents intended for you and your siblings. Harry, on the other hand, is used to being seen for the wrong reasons. But at your sister's wedding, you find each other. After only an hour of his company, you offer an impromptu invitation to your family's lakehouse vacation, where you're hoping you'll finally have someone who understands you.

Word Count: 3812

Chapter Warnings: A Little Fluff, A Little Angst, A Little Alcohol Use, Age Difference (Reader is late twenties, Harry is in his forties), Parents Being Unsupportive of Your Job, Siblings and their kids, Psychoanalysis that might stem from my own issues, No Use of Y/N, Excessive and Insistent Use of Commas When Completely Unnecessary,

Additional Notes: I have tried to avoid using descriptors for the reader, but if you notice any, let me know and I'll remove them. I have also not watched Materialists yet, so I may have interpreted Harry completely wrong, but oh well. I have been so unwell this week so poor editing on my part lmao.

The lake house was quiet. Harry looked out across the lake from where he stood in the kitchen, a little awkward in borrowed pyjamas. In his hand was a freshly brewed coffee, far better than the one he would make back at his penthouse. He wasn't sure whether that was from the beans or from the way his mind seemed to be unclenching. Out here, the office couldn't reach him, and his anxiety had already started to blur at the edges.

He'd had the best night sleep he'd had in a long time. Sure, it helped that he was exhausted after the wedding yesterday, but the peace that seemed to blanket this small part of the world had to take its credit too.

The house was beautiful. He should've expected it given how rich your family was. The kind of wealth that made the expense of weddings vanish into nothing with no questions asked. He knew that Javi had offered but your father was determined to fund his precious Jules' wedding himself. Just as he did for Beth. Harry wasn't entirely sure whether it was fueled by pride or generosity.

He took another sip of his coffee, leaning against the counter that overlooked the small dock that they arrived on yesterday. The water was calm, gently kissing at the wood. He took a breath. This was the perfect escape from work. No emails, no phone calls, no deadlines to think about.

His secretary had practically bullied him into signing off of work for the week. "All you do is work, Mr Castillo." She had said down the phone last night when he called her up. Her voice was sharp, yet there was an underlying tone of care which he always felt oddly grateful for. She knew him better than most - both a blessing and a curse. She'd been updating his calendar before he had even finished his sentence. "You can't hide behind your desk your whole life."

Of course, she was right. He spent his time hiding behind his work, as if the number of correspondence he received would keep life from passing him by.

"Good morning," You interrupted his thoughts, which had somehow slipped back to work. He turned to you. Even in a tank top and sweatpants you were somehow the most relieving sight he could imagine. There was something so real and grounding about you. "You sleep okay?" You asked, approaching the window he stood by.

For a moment he stayed quiet, just staring at you. You were looking at him like you saw something that he didn't. "Yeah," He said, his voice a little quieter than usual. He cleared his throat. "Best sleep I've had in months." He mused, sipping his coffee again.

You came to a stop in front of him, humming in acknowledgement. He was suddenly struck by your proximity. "This place gets into your bones," She agreed. "Even if you do have to stay in Jules' room."

"Oh? That was Jules' room, was it?" Harry smirked. "I couldn't tell. Thought that the LEDs and books on modern spirituality were your brother's."

You laughed out loud. Your eyes crinkled and your cheeks lifted. There was something so intimate in the sight of it. Harry couldn't help but chuckle back, immediately trying to memorise the lines of your face and figure out a way to make you laugh again.

Peace fell between you. It was different to that peace Harry felt watching the lake by himself. He preferred this type.

"Enjoying the coffee?" Your gaze dropped to the steam that curled up from the cup. "Ed's a coffee-snob, so we all benefit," You added, pinching the mug from him.

It caught him a little off-guard, yet felt oddly familiar to him, like you could do that every morning and he wouldn't mind. He couldn't help the slow grin that pulled at the corner of his mouth, eyes following your every move, eyes on your lips as you took a small sip. "I'm pretty sure that's mine," he said, mock indignation in his voice.

You smirked, holding the mug to your chin. "You should have drunk it faster," You said back, taking another sip.

His brow arched, clearly amused. "Bold of you," He crossed his arms as he watched you drink his coffee. "Stealing a man's morning coffee without warning is dangerous."

Glancing at him over the rim of the mug, you seemed unbothered. "It's not stealing if you were clearly about to forget it."

Harry scoffed. "Forget it? I was thinking. Deep in thought. I was distracted. You distracted me."

Grinning, you took another sip out of spite. "Mmm, sounds like hesitation to me."

He laughed, rich and genuine in a way that warmed you more than the stolen coffee could. He shook his head with feigned exasperation and then gently reached for his mug back. "Alright coffee thief. Share custody or I'm gonna start charging," he smiled.

You smiled, leaning against the counter, mirroring his stance. "So," You began, head tilted to the side. "What had you so distracted?"

A slow genuine smile spread across his face. He couldn't tell you that your laugh made his chest ache. Instead, he looked outside the window and decided to tell you a half-truth. "I was thinking about how peaceful it is," he said, free hand resting on the surface, his fingers just close enough to brush the fabric of your tank top. It was barely noticeable. "It's quiet here."

"Hm," you softened, taking a slow breath. "Just you wait until the kids are up and about." As much as you loved them, your nieces and nephew were chaos in human form.

Harry's brow furrowed. "Kids?" He asked.

Your smile faltered, the realisation that you hadn't told him hitting you. "Beth and Ed have three kids," you explained. "I should've…"

Your words trailed off as you studied him. Was he regretting agreeing to come? You figured he knew, given you'd said it was a family lake house, and funnily enough that included your siblings. But then again, he’d agreed to come with you, not with the extended family. You shrugged a little, trying to keep your tone light. "I didn't think it was relevant," you murmured.

Something softer flickered in his gaze and his lips quirked. "Sounds like mayhem," he teased, fingers twitching just a bit closer, as if hoping to make contact without quite trying yet.

Your shoulders untensed slightly. "You might want to hold onto your coffee," you teased back, the ease of the moment returning.

He shook his head a little as he laughed, a few of the curls of his sleep-tousled hair falling from being tucked back. "I'll keep it close." He said, fingers finally touching, holding, steady and safe.

The room fell quieter again, as you both just looked at each other.

"I like to escape it sometimes," You said after a moment, voice soft at your admission. Like a well-guarded secret that you were entrusting to him. "I'll go on a walk, or sit by the lake for an hour or so."

He put his coffee down on the side before he reached to hold your hip. It was less hesitant than it had been yesterday yet he was still careful, settling lightly. His fingers splayed over the curve, warm through the thin fabric of your pyjamas.

Your brows furrowed and you stared at a point of his borrowed t-shirt. "It's not about getting away," You clarified thoughtfully. "It's just… making space to breathe. You know?"

Harry nodded, his thumb brushing softly against your side. "Yeah. I know." He murmured back.

"You should come with me," You suggested, eyes meeting his again. "If you need quiet. Unless I'm the loud, chaotic mayhem you're trying to escape."

He chuckled, head dipping slightly. "Sweetheart, I'm not here for the quiet." He said softly, lessening the distance between the two of you.

Your heart stumbled a little in your chest, and you swallowed thickly.

Neither of you said anything at first, just letting the words settle between you. For a moment, the only sounds were the hum of the fridge and the sound of the water lapping at the dock. Then he leaned in a little more, neither sudden nor hesitant.

"I'm glad you came," You murmured, glancing down at his lips.

Somewhere in the background, a door creaked upstairs. Both of you turned your heads enough to acknowledge the inevitable storm of little feet about to cause chaos.

Harry's lips turned up to a grin. "I guess this is my final warning?"

You grinned back. "Oh, it's already too late."

~

Breakfast was a lawless affair. The two youngest, Eva and Teddy, managed to get pancake everywhere, much to their mother's dismay. Her desire for order wasn't limited to the flawless organisation of Jules and Javi's wedding.

Ben seemed surprised to see Harry at the table with them. That didn't particularly come as a shock, given how drunk your brother had been by the time they were getting in the cars to drive to the marina. Nevertheless, he had made his best attempt at embarrassing you the entire time.

That included when you suggested to Harry that you give him an impromptu tour. It was very much an excuse to escape the carnage that was simply your family gathered for breakfast. Ben, ever the big brother, wiggled his eyebrows and mentioned something about sneaking off for a tryst. Naturally, you hit him on the back of his head.

After a quick few minutes to change out of your pyjamas, you stood on the deck of the lake house. Taking a deep breath, you sighed. You'd lasted all of forty minutes with them and even that had been pushing it.

Harry soon joined you, dressed in a linen shirt and jeans that had been pulled straight from Javi's closet. It wasn't the first time he'd had to borrow Javi's clothes, and it wouldn't be the last, given he hadn't had a chance to pack anything from home. He hadn't anticipated being invited on vacation with the bride's family. "Good to see everyone so enthusiastic in the morning," he teased.

You turned to look at him and immediately you felt your cheeks flush. Javi was smaller than him. Not by much, but the way the shirt pulled around the shoulders had you desperately trying not to ogle him. The fabric was barely holding together at the seams.

You looked up at his face, trying to stay focused. "Hm?" He'd said something, right? You blinked a few times before his words registered. "I… yes, it's crazy." You said, clearing your throat. He didn't seem put off, which was a relief. "You got off easy, actually."

He chuckled, crossing his arms over his chest. Oh god, that didn't help. "It's nice. I always wanted a big family." He said whilst looking at you with all the warmth he usually did. With all the familiarity of someone who had known you for years. It felt like he had.

Your shoulder brushed his slightly. "I'll show you around," You said, looking at the grounds surrounding the lake house and desperately trying to get your mind out of the gutter. There was a lot to the lake house and Harry had barely seen a glimpse when he got here last night.

The two of you began your little tour. You pointed out the tennis court and the yoga pavilion that Beth had insisted on being built. "She was probably there this morning," You said with a slight grin. "She might try and convince you to join her for a sunrise yoga session one day this week. You do not have to agree."

Harry let out a breathy laugh. "What, you don't think I like early morning yoga?" He asked, following you past the guest lodge.

You smiled up at him. "You're welcome to go with her," You said, raising your eyebrows. "Just don't knock on my door, because I like to sleep during sunrise."

He tilted his head, a teasing look on his face. "Noted. Do not disturb during unreasonable hours."

"I don't recommend it before I have coffee either," You added.

Another chuckle. "Is that why you stole mine?"

You let out a slight laugh as well, beginning down the gravel path again. It looped around the lake house property. "Consider it payment for your stay."

"You invited me," He pointed out following after you, feet crunching softly with every step. The morning haze was lifting, sunlight shining on the water in a way that made you forget the chaos that was breakfast. He had the familiar gleam in his eye that he often did when looking at you. It made your stomach flip.

"Mm, very generously, I might add." You said.

He smiled. "Very generously." He echoed.

It was a little unnerving, the way he so easily fit into the space next to you. You were starting to become desperate for him to stay.

You led him down the slope toward the boathouse where the dock stretched out into the glittering lake. The water was calm - disturbed only by the occasional ripple of a fish. "You swim, right?" you asked, coming to a stop near the edge of the dock.

"Yes, I swim." He chuckled, a little endeared by the question. "Although I can't imagine the swimming that your family does here is very…" He trailed off, turning to face you.

You looked over at him too. "More like floating." You agreed.

"Well, I'm excellent at floating." Harry said solemnly.

Unable to help the grin that appeared on your face, you hummed. "Ben would argue it's harder than swimming," you said. "Especially when you add a drink in one hand and sunglasses you're too scared to lose in the other."

Harry laughed, head thrown back a bit. The tension and mayhem that came with spending time with your family seemed to melt away with Harry by your side. You'd known him less than a day, but it felt like forever.

You watched the way he laughed, the dimple on his cheek deepening. Did he know how handsome he was?

"I'm glad I came," He said with a wide smile, something soft in his gaze.

That calm, unreadable expression that made you feel like he saw something in you that you hadn’t even admitted to yourself yet. Another little flutter of your heart and your shoulders eased. “I still can’t believe you did,” you said after a minute, softer now, your tone touched with something more honest. “It’s not exactly your idea of a relaxing getaway, is it?”

Harry glanced at you, one brow raised. “Why not?”

You gave a small, amused snort. “Because it’s not really a vacation when you’re stuck with a bunch of people you barely know. Can't be very calming."

He tilted his head a little. "Like I said earlier, I'm not here for that," He said, a little more intimately than he had been speaking. More certain.

You met his eyes, unsure how to respond to that. There was something open in his expression. Clearing your throat again, you were suddenly very aware of the distance, or lack thereof, between you. He didn't have to elaborate.

Another brief period of quiet, they seemed to be frequent with him.

"Is there more to see?" He asked, not taking his eyes off of you.

You stared for a moment. He made it difficult to think sometimes. "There's always more to see."

He smiled. "Lead the way, sweetheart."

~

It was tradition on the first night at the lake house to sit around the firepit and have s'mores together. It had begun in your teen years, when your father had first bought the place. It continued as you got older, with additions over years; Ed and Javi and the kids were the most notable. Ben's partners had of course been invited, but they never stuck around long. Nathan, your ex, had had a promising run at it. This was the first time someone new had joined in a while so, naturally, your father was grilling Harry instead of the marshmallows.

You'd sort of zoned out, watching the flames licking at the new log that Ed had put in. It crackled a little, sparks spitting into the night sky. Your eyes stayed fixed on the flicker of orange and red, the heat warming your face. On the other side of the fire, Ben was entertaining the eldest of your nieces, Addie. Eva and Teddy had been tucked into bed already. Ed and Beth were cuddled up on the loveseat, talking with your mother about something to do with one of your cousins. You weren't listening.

And Harry, in the seat next to you, was talking business with your father. He had been incredibly interested to find out that Harry's family were the Castillos behind Castillo Capital Partners, one of the biggest private equity firms in the country. The man was even more fascinated when Harry told him he was the CEO. It had started a discussion that immediately went over your head.

So you weren't paying attention to them either.

Until your father said your name. Then your attention snapped back to him and Harry. "She's never been interested in the family business," Your father chuckled. "Far too busy playing at being a hero."

Harry's eyebrows furrowed. He didn't know what you did, he'd assumed you had worked in luxury and commercial real estate like the rest of your family. "You don’t work in property?" He asked, a curious expression on his face.

You cleared your throat. Your father had made it very clear how he felt about your work. "I work for a nonprofit," You said, a little awkwardly. "It's this youth outreach program. I help connect kids with resources they need to build better lives, like… workshops for life skills, counselling, social workers. That sort of thing"

It's not that you were ashamed, far from it. You loved your work, but your father always had something to say about it. You'd heard it all. "Wasting your potential" and "You can't save everyone" were some of his favourites. Not to mention that Thanksgiving dinner where you had argued about the cost of their success. The look on your father's face when he had asked "Do you think we're the villains?" was forever burned into your memory.

Your mother was a little easier to deal with, although she very much enjoyed the circles that being the wife of a millionaire brought. She was constantly concerned about reputation. "Could you at least do this through a foundation? Something with a board and a dress code?" To her, success meant financial security and status in high-society, things that working where you did just didn't offer.

Harry stared at you. "That's incredible," He said, with far more sincerity than you'd expected. His words hung in the air for a moment and you turned to him. The honesty in his voice caught you off guard.

Your father let out another chuckle from his seat. He reached for his glass of whiskey that sat on the table covered in opened s'more supplies. “Well, I suppose someone’s got to do that kind of work. But let’s be honest, it’s not exactly scalable impact.” Ever the critic.

However, Harry didn't take his eyes off of you. "Scalable impact doesn't always mean meaningful." He said evenly. "We can throw millions at projects and communities from the top down, but that's not going to do anything unless there's people on the ground doing the hard work. You're changing people's lives."

That… was not the kind of response you were expecting. He wasn't conforming for your family's benefit. You blinked a few times, risking a glance at your father. Usually, that sort of comment around your family would result in mockery or dissection. Your father's expression was stuck somewhere between bewildered and annoyed. As much as he wanted to pick Harry's comment apart, Harry had the kind of status and wealth that your father dreamed about. It translated into a level of respect that prevented any thought of argument.

So instead your father gave a tight-lipped smile. “You’d be surprised how much you can do from the top, with the right strategy.” He countered, trying to win a debate that he was unaware he had very little stake in.

Harry turned to him, a hint of impatience on his face. "And yet we still have the same social issues we did thirty years ago. Maybe the strategy needs changing. Or maybe it was never enough." He said firmly.

The air had grown a little tense. The others had looked over, having noticed the shift in tone.

Harry looked at you again. “Your kind of work matters,” he paused, searching for the words, "It's real. You actually get to see the impact you’re making.”

Your father let out a small, disapproving grunt and poked at the fire with a stick, sending a burst of sparks skyward. “Impact doesn’t pay the bills.”

“I’m not exactly living in poverty, Dad,” you replied, keeping your voice even, though your jaw was tightening. This was a familiar path, a well-worn one even, and you didn’t want to walk it tonight.

Ben let out a chuckle, smirking from the other side of the fire. Your father glanced around before smiling to ease the tension. "Of course not, darling." He murmured, fingers tightening around the glass in his hand.

As the air slowly calmed, you turned to Harry. "Thanks," You said, low enough that only he could hear. "A lot of people in our circles don't really understand it."

He softened. "Well, I'm not sure I do," He admitted. "But I respect it."

And just like that, the mood shifted again. Ben let out a loud laugh at something Addie had said, pulling everyone’s attention for a moment. Your father excused himself to go get another drink. Your mother followed, probably to keep him from saying anything more, not that you cared.

For a period, you and Harry sat quietly, the fire crackling in front of you. He nudged you. "So that's why you looked so bored when we were talking about capital structure." He mused.

You grinned, something that he was increasingly good at making you do. "Honestly? I blacked out somewhere around leveraged buyouts."

He laughed, shoulder brushing yours. “You’d hate attending the meetings.”

“Rather you than me,” you said back as you looked up at him. You studied the way that his lips were turned up at the corners. 

"Sparky?" Addie's voice sounded as she approached you. "Can you help me open the chocolate?" She asked, small fingers struggling with the stubborn packaging.

As you reached to take it from her, you couldn't help your smile. You felt a whole lot less lonely with Harry around.

Taglist (Let me know if you want to be added):

@strawberrylemontart1 @mallingcalling-blog @yasmin12312 @rrravensss @pedritotito @carpediem1219

[wild-at-mind]

When you tell people they should be sending every spare penny to their chosen Gaza fundraiser or they are Bad. But then it all gets a bit too stressful so you have to leave tumblr. :(

[thelilylav]

Crashed out about the Prime Minister calling a snap election in the reblogs and ended up getting blocked LMAOOO

[aughtpunk]

That Time a Published Author Told Me to Un-Queer My Novel

So, I don't think I ever shared this story on Tumblr before.

As you may know I've spent the past ten years turning my old Welcome to Night Vale fanfic into a stand alone novel called Echo of the Larkspur. Now, I haven't been working on it ten years straight. I'd pick it up, do a bunch of editing and rewriting, submit it to agents/publishers, get turned down, put the book away, wait 2-3 years, dust off the book, re-edit and rewrite, etc etc. A cycle that repeated itself far too many times that I would like.

Well, during one of these cycles when I was in the 'get rejected by every agent and publisher I submit to' stage I asked the writing group I was in what I was doing wrong. Because at this point I had reached a hundred total rejections and I was starting to suspect that the issue was with me.

One of the members of this writing group, a male author who was traditionally published, offered to read my first chapter and give his advice on how to fix it. This was, in retrospect, a mistake. But I was desperate. I sent him the first chapter and waited for his response.

Folks. The email he sent me changed my life.

First he said that agents wouldn't publish my novel because it was Sci-fi with hardcore gay erotica in it. This is curious because while the book certainly is queer, at no point in the conversation with this man did I say it was hardcore erotica. Nor did the first chapter feature any. It's almost as if he assumed that just because something was gay, it had to be hardcore erotica. Interesting.

He went on to say that a Human/Robot pairing was weird and that there was "No Way" my story could seriously address the issues of a relationship like that. Once again, he only read the first chapter. He just...assumed I wouldn't think of that? And that my book wouldn't cover it?

The author then said “I also felt that the LGBTQ inclusion really seems to cloud things.” Direct Quote.

And then this is when he said my favorite quote of them all:

The idea of a book being a sci-fi with romance AND a mystery is a Modern Art Marzipan Owl. It's just too confusing! No one can handle a story that is a mystery in a sci-fi enviroment AND has a romantic subplot! THEIR BRAINS WOULD LITERALLY EXPLODE!

Thankfully he had a solution to my book problem. His answer? Turn the book into an Action Spy Thriller and turn S.A.G.E., a robot that identies as a gay man, into a sexy lady robot who needs a MAN to teach her what it means to be human.

(I assume the male lead will teach the 'confused' female robot how to be human via his penis.)

Now my favorite part about this advice is that at no point did he outright say "Remove the gay part". No, instead he sneakily changed the robot love interest into a female robot as if I wouldn't notice. Just sort of swept away the gay bits as something totally unneeded and just mucking up the narrative. Also that's not the plot of my story, I have no idea where this virus thing came from.

(Also note that the female robot can't be robotic-like at all. Must preserve the average straight-man sex drive at all costs I guess)

He then finished his email basically saying that I should remove everything that 'traditional publishers' don't like (aka the queer parts) and make it easier for 'your average reader' to digest and my book will be good as published!

When I said this email changed my life I meant it. Because it made me realize I'd rather be self published and unknown than traditionally publish milquetoast trash like he suggested. Like holy fuck. If I removed all of the "Difficult" to digest stories out of Echo of the Larkspur then there wouldn't be a book left!

So here I am. Self publishing my Marzipan Modern Art Owl of a book. I know it'll never see the inside of a bookstore or top the charts on Goodreads but hey, I'd rather it speak to one person than have a thousand people get excited for the part where the male lead teaches the lady robot how to be human (via his penis).

If a Queer Sci-fi/Romance/Mystery novel sounds like your jam then consider preordering it!

Looking for something to read now? Can't afford the book? Willing to read in exchange for an honest review? You can join my ARC book readers here!

[scientia-rex]

When I was in ninth grade I wanted to challenge what I saw as a very stupid dress code policy (not being allowed to wear spikes regardless of the size or sharpness of the spikes). My dad said to me, “What is your objective?”

He said it over and over. I contemplated that. I wanted to change an unfair dress code. What did I stand to gain? What did I stand to lose? If what I really wanted was to change the dress code, what would be my most effective potential approach? (He also gave me Discourses on the Fall of Rome by Titus Livius, Machiavelli’s magnum opus. Of course he’d already given me The Prince, Five Rings, and The Art of War.)

I ultimately printed out that phrase, coated it in Mod Podge, and clipped it to my bathroom mirror so I would look at it and think about it every day.

What is your objective?

Forget about how you feel. Ask yourself, what do you want to see happen? And then ask, how can you make it happen? Who needs to agree with you? Who has the power to implement this change? What are the points where you have leverage over them? If you use that leverage now, will you impair your ability to use it in the future? Getting what you want is about effectiveness. It is not about being an alpha or a sigma or whatever other bullshit the men’s right whiners are on about now. You won’t find any MRA talking points in Musashi, because they are not relevant.

I had no clear leverage on the dress code issue. My parents were not on the PTA; neither were any of my friend’s parents who liked me. The teachers did not care about this. Ultimately I just wore what I wanted, my patent leather collar from Hot Topic with large but flattened spikes, and I had guessed correctly—the teachers also did not care enough to discipline me.

I often see people on tumblr, mostly the very young, flail around in discourse. They don’t have an objective. They don’t know what they want to achieve, and they have never thought about strategizing and interpersonal effectiveness. No one can get everything they want by being an asshole. You must be able to work with other people, and that includes smiling when you hate them.

Read Machiavelli. Start with The Prince, but then move on to Discourses. Read Musashi’s Five Rings. Read The Art of War. They’re classics for a reason. They can’t cover all situations, but they can do more for how you think about strategizing than anything you’re getting in middle school and high school curricula.

Don’t vote third party unless you can tell me not only what your objective is but also why this action stands a meaningful chance of accomplishing it. Otherwise, back up and approach your strategy from a new angle. I don’t care how angry you are with Biden right now. He knows about it, and he is both trying to do something and not doing enough. I care about what will happen to millions of people if we have another Trump presidency. Look up Ross Perot, and learn from our past. Find your objective. If it is to stop the genocide in Palestine now, call your elected representatives now. They don’t care about emails; they care about phone calls, because they live in the past. I know this because I shadowed a lobbyist, because knowing how power works is critical to using it.

How do you think I have gotten two clinics to start including gender care in their planning?

Start small. Chip away. Keep working. Find your leverage; figure out how and when to effectively use it. Choose your battles, so that you can concentrate on the battle at hand instead of wasting your resources in many directions. Learn from the accumulated wisdom of people who spent their lives learning by doing, by making mistakes, by watching the mistakes of their enemies.

Don’t be a dickhead. Be smarter than I was at 14. Ask yourself: what is your objective?

[nope-body]

.

[phoenixyfriend]

MOTHERFUCKERS

Hi, if you're new here, I'm Nixy. I've spent the past five months trying to bully Colourpop, a cosmetics company known for their collaborations, into doing the right thing.

Today, I received the email on the left. I checked instagram to be sure, and lo and behold, they're advertising it there, too. Presumably, they are also doing so on tiktok, but I don't have that app.

Do me a favor, and go to one of the linked socials, or their online email contact form, and let them know you're even more angry and disappointed about this than about the HP thing. This isn't about which franchise has done more harm, but about the stage of the collaborations themselves. The HP Collab is a dying project that's been constantly on sale for half a year and, most likely, was just being advertised in a last-ditch attempt to dump backstock before it expires; it was in bad taste, but not too likely to have a direct impact on the minority group we know it harms. I'm especially sure of this because they only advertised that sale by email, not on the socials.

The Twilight collaboration is alive and well, being restocked, being advertised, and actively banking on the marketing of an indigenous population without any kind of benefit to the tribe. The least that Colourpop could do, since I imagine they can't back out of the contract, is donate a portion of their profits to the fundraiser. That would probably do a lot more to help the tribe than just cancelling the collaboration entirely anyway!

Mention that people have been asking them to make a statement on this issue for a good year and a half now.

Mention that between this and the HP collab and other questionable projects, they are losing goodwill by the day among people who previously trusted that they were trying to act with ethics and transparency.

Mention that the Quileute Move to Higher Ground project has been struggling for years to put together the funds to move their entire community away from the danger of rising sea levels. They've managed to move the school, but they still need to build new housing... especially because companies have been buying up their houses to establish as AirBNBs since it's a tourist area. They've also bought up all the properties in Forks, WA, for the same reason, which means fewer people actually hiring Quileute workers.

Because of Twilight.

These people are being forced to leave their homes in part because of the franchise that Colourpop is collaborating with. They have not seen any money directly from the way SMeyer used their tribe, and any possible benefits of tourism have been far outweighed by the aforementioned airbnb issue.

Colourpop is a big company, but it's not a giant. It's got enough going for it that you can safely assume you're not going to ruin a person's life and livelihood by hassling the contact forms, but it's not so big that it's impossible to budge them.

Let's try to make at least something happen. It might not be much, but please just send an email or leave a comment on their socials. Reblog this post so other people know what's going on.

[thydungeongal]

Anyway this is relatively minor in the greater context of transmisogyny but sort of a demonstration of the fact that having good and inclusive policies only means so much when put up against all the rest of society being nakedly transmisogynistic.

I have been working out at a gym lately because it helps with my physical and mental health both. At this point in my transition I pretty much exclusively boymode in public and thus far the whole dressing room issue has not been an issue for me. But I recognize that at some point it is going to be both a comfort and a safety issue for me, so I've been looking for information about you know. What the policies of various service providers here in the metropolitan region of Finland are.

And the thing is, that information just isn't anywhere to be found. Like, that information does exist, but it simply isn't posted anywhere publicly. I know that the city of Helsinki has extremely inclusive and affirming policies when it comes to the use of gendered spaces in their sports and recreation services. Because I asked them through private channels (thus technically also outing myself to the person who answered my email, which just adds another layer of messed-up-ness to it). But because that information isn't posted anywhere it just doesn't actually do anything, right?

Like, I've been reading lots of literature about how trans folks, especially trans women, often don't feel comfortable in sports and recreation services for various reasons, and like I can't help but think of the fact that so much public discourse circles around how we're seen as invaders in gendered spaces, how other customers will target us with abuse and how service providers will often do very little to help us in the face of that abuse (and will often actively side with the person who finds out existence to be a threat). That is the ambient background noise we constantly live under, so we're inclined to believe that most service providers would, if a conflict should arise, take the side of a cis person who found our presence objectionable. This has actual measurable effects on trans people's health outcomes and we know a lot of the obstacles are not due to direct discrimination but due to structural and cultural obstacles.

So when some place actually does have an extremely inclusive and accommodating policy and their internal policies make it clear that their support for trans people is unequivocal and uncompromising and you know that their actual policy has got your back. It still doesn't help when that policy is nowhere to be seen.

It's always good to be critical of performative allyship. If a gym says that they welcome everyone and puts up pride flags for one month every year and then still asks a trans woman to leave the women's dressing room because a cis woman got scared, that's performative allyship. This is the opposite. These people have a clearly articulated policy that confirms that they will have your back if you're caught Exercising While Trans, but that information is nowhere to be found. I do think part of it is caution: they can't advertise that trannies are not shot on sight at their gyms because that would draw the ire of the right wing hate mob.

Anyway I'm glad the city of Helsinki is Woke and I have also relayed this information to some of the other dolls in the area, and apparently it's found its way to other queer groups here. But I have also told the lovely city employee I was in contact with that they should really have this information available somewhere, because not having it out there does represent an obstacle.

[thebibliosphere]

Genuine question: why do you get people emailing you about mast cell disease?

Presumably because I talk about my own mast cell disease a lot and try to do so in a way that is approachable so that people who are struggling can hopefully understand it and talk to their doctors and advocate for the help they need.

When I first started talking about my health issues there were very few people out there talking about MCAS. It was very lonely. My hope in being open about my health issues was to not only raise awareness about a poorly understood health condition but to also alleviate some of that loneliness that I felt sure others must be feeling.

I also don’t try to sell people crystals about it which is probably a large element of it.

There’s unfortunately a lot of new age, anti-science predation in mast cell disorder support groups with people promising all kinds of things will cure you. I can understand people’s reluctance to engage with those communities when they feel like people are just trying to sell them cures for a disease that fundamentally has no cure at this time, just symptom management.

There are also some people, who to be completely clear, aren’t doctors, but put their knowledge behind paywalls and charge people money for their time—knowledge that is readily available online but only if you have the time and mental capacity to look for it and understand it.

It’s their prerogative, but it’s never sat right with me.

Tl;dr: I don’t charge money and won’t shut up about it.

[uyuforu]

Your Future Spouse's Appearance & Personality based on Astrology

All pictures were found on Pinterest

Other posts you could like:

જ⁀➴ Derivative Astrology Introduction

જ⁀➴ How to know where your Future Spouse was born with Astrology

જ⁀➴ How to know your Future Spouse's career with Astrology

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╰┈➤ Get your own Derivative Astrology Future Spouse Reading for 35€ ⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪

݁ᛪ༙⛧ Why the 7H?

♱ The 7H in astrology represents the Future Spouse. Based on this house, we can see our Future Spouse's life based on our Natal Chart. This technique is called Derivative Astrology.

♱ The technique here is to take our 7H as our Future Spouse's 1H. So this house, since the 1H is about how we look like, will represent our FS' appearance. We can also know about who they are in general.

♱ So today we will focus on our personal 7H, in our Natal Chart. Planet from Sun to Pluto mostly. Asteroids will be additional.

݁ᛪ༙⛧ The Technique

♱ In your 7H, you will need to check the sign it is in. You will also check the degree of the house, but also the ruler, and what planets are in the 4H. We are only going to check planets! Sun to Pluto only!

♱ For the Ruler of your 7H, you will need to check where it is in your chart and under what sign.

♱ For the planets inside, it will tell us what your FS looks like. I'll give all the key words down there on the post. For the planets, we will use the ones that are the closest to your Descendant line AND in the 7H! So if you have any planets that exactly conjuncts your Descendant, it's perfect! Otherwise, just take the closest. The closest planets to take will need to be 10° apart maximum from the line of the Descendant!

Quick example: My 7H is in Aries, so I will look at Aries section. In my 7H I have Jupiter and Saturn, so I will also look in those sections. I also have those planets in Taurus, so I will also look at the Taurus section. Then, I check my degree, 19°, so Libra section too. Now, I look at the Ruler of my 7H (Mars), and check in which house it is in.

╰┈➤ Get your own Derivative Astrology Future Spouse Reading for 35€ ⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪

݁ᛪ༙⛧ Keywords & Help

♱ Aries/ 1H/ 1°, 13°, 25°/ Mars

FS can have Aries rising, Aries degree on their rising, or Mars in their 1H. They can also have a Mars ruled Rising. Future Spouse can look athletic, in well shaped, they can have muscles. They can look arrogant, or very masculine. They can look hot to you, they can look build or thick, they can have nice, thick eyebrows, they can have sharp eyes, they can have a strong or loud voice, they can also have an interest in their body, or somehow have a prominent body. When they walk in a room, people often can notice their body. People can also thirst over them. Your FS can be impulsive, they can seem aggressive, or too confident, they can see like they have temperament issues. You can also have a feeling that FS is quite direct in their moves or how they act with you. You can feel like FS is very protective and jealous too. FS can be smart and talk a lot too. They can also often cut people when they speak. The dominant type.

♱ Taurus/ 2H/ 2°, 14°, 26°/ Venus

FS can have Taurus rising, Taurus degree on their rising, or Venus in their 1H. They can also have a Venus ruled Rising. Future Spouse can look very good, beautiful, handsome, you can feel like you are blessing with someone just look stunning. Your person can have a lot of charm, they can look so good they can attract a lot of people. They can be extrovert or be a social butterfly. They can be into art, be creative, they can also like music. They can look like they are wealthy, rich, or just luxurious. They can often dress in a way that make them look so good looking. They can look like they are thick, curvy too, it can often give you a Future Spouse with beautiful and feminine traits as well. They can smell incredibly good and have a very good voice too.

♱ Gemini/ 3H/ 3°, 15°, 27°/ Mercury

FS can have Gemini rising, Gemini degree on their rising, or Mercury in their 1H. They can also have a Mercury ruled Rising. FS can look young, they can be younger than you too. FS can be very smart, they can be witty, funny, humorous, they can be very curious in general too. FS can talk a lot, think a lot, they can often want to learn many languages, or they know many languages. FS can enjoy drama too. FS just like informations and tea, they wanna know for sure. FS can have a normal height, they can also have a prominent laugh, a beautiful smile, they can have a "smiley face", they can have shiny eyes too.

♱ Cancer/ 4H/ 4°, 16°, 28°/ Moon

FS can have Cancer rising, Cancer degree on their rising, or Moon in their 1H. They can also have a Moon ruled Rising. FS can be younger than you or look young compared to their age. FS can look sweet, innocent, FS can have prominent eyes, they can look good, they can have a very soft skin, smooth too. They can look childish, or act childish. Their chest area can be prominent too, if they are a woman, they can also be blessed with beautiful curves. Can be thick as well. Can have a normal height to small, their face can be round, they can also have high peach voice, a smooth one too. Soft spoken. They can also be pretty chill, calm, sweet. They can be known for being the sweetest. They can have round, big shiny eyes.

♱ Leo/ 5H/ 5°, 17°, 29°/ Sun

FS can have Leo rising, Leo degree on their rising, or Sun in their 1H. They can also have a Sun ruled Rising. FS can look very charming, they can look very bright, someone with beautiful smile, smiley face, they can look like a main character, very unique. They can often look good, know how to dress well even casually. They can have a very good voice, they can also have a good laugh, one that is loud too. They can have prominent hair as well, often thick. They can often work out, be toned or athletic. They can be friendly, nice, sweet, they can seem like they are confident, they can have a good personality, popular, people can often like them. They can be wealthy, come from a wealthy family, they can be wise too.

♱ Virgo/ 6H/ 6°, 18°/ Mercury

FS can have Virgo rising, Virgo degree on their rising, or Mercury in their 1H. They can also have a Mercury ruled Rising. FS can look young, they can be younger than you too. FS can be very smart, they can be witty, funny. FS can love to study, FS can also be a perfectionist, they can also be into control, cleaning, arranging, etc. They can seem cold at first, or very serious. FS is calm, chill, but often can also be anxious or stressed. They can look tired as well. FS can have a normal height, they can look tired, they can have a beautiful smile, they can have a beautiful voice, they can also look very neat, clean. They can smell good. Can have darker eyes too, not only the color but more about the aura.

♱ Libra/ 7H/ 7°, 19°/ Venus

FS can have Libra rising, Libra degree on their rising, or Venus in their 1H. They can also have a Venus ruled Rising. Future Spouse can look very good, beautiful, handsome, you can feel like you are blessing with someone just look stunning. Your person can have a lot of charm, they can look so good they can attract a lot of people. They can be extrovert or be a social butterfly. They can be into art, be creative, they can also like music. They can often dress in a way that make them look so good looking. They can often have a very good body, they can be blessed with a beautiful bottom too. They can have a nice skin as well. They can just have the gift of always looking nice, whatever they were and wherever they are. Can also attract a lot of suitors.

♱ Scorpio/ 8H/ 8°, 20°/ Pluto

FS can have Scorpio rising, Scorpio degree on their rising, or Mars/ Pluto in their 1H. They can also have a Mars or Pluto ruled Rising. FS can look quite mysterious, they can also have a dark aura, can be cold and distant. They can also look scary and intimidating. They can often change their appearance, they can have dark eyes, dark hair, thick hair, thick eyebrows, they can be slim, they can also have beautiful and deep eyes, you could stare in those for hours. Though, their eyes can also cut if they could, their emotions often go through their stare. FS is independent, FS is intense, mysterious, deep, FS can be controlling, possessive and jealous. FS can also have a strong will, they can also be powerful somehow. FS holds deep secrets and are secretive in general.

♱ Sagittarius/ 9H/ 9°, 21°/ Jupiter

FS can have Sagittarius rising, Sagittarius degree on their rising, or Jupiter in their 1H. They can also have a Jupiter ruled Rising. FS can be older than you, they can look quite charming, can look optimistic, they can also look very good. FS can be tall to normal height, they can also be thick or curvy. FS have a good proportions on their body. FS can have a main character vibe, they can be sweet, nice, smart, funny, they can also be witty. FS can love to learn, and be curious. FS can be wise and mature, they can be thirsty for knowledge. FS can be popular, people love them. FS can be religious or spiritual, FS can also be independent, likes to be free. FS will be honest too.

♱ Capricorn/ 10H/ 10°, 22°/ Saturn

FS can have Capricorn rising, Capricorn degree on their rising, or Saturn in their 1H. They can also have a Saturn ruled Rising. FS can be older than you, they can also look more mature, wise, older too. FS can indeed be mature mentally, they can be stable as well, they can have money, be wealthy, comes from a wealthy family, money can come from their father. They can be someone who is wise, calm, but they can be anxious, stressed or depressed, burn out. They can look tired often. FS can still be charming, they can also seem cold or too serious when you meet them. Can actually not smile often in general. They can be quite slim, or skinny, they can also have prominent teeth.

♱ Aquarius/ 11H/ 11°, 23°/ Uranus

FS can have Aquarius rising, Aquarius degree on their rising, or Saturn/ Uranus in their 1H. They can also have a Saturn or Uranus ruled Rising. FS can look tall, slim, they can also have a very unique style, or dress in an eccentric way. They can often want to stand out physically. FS can have messy hair lol. Sharp eyes too. FS can seem chill and calm. FS is smart, intelligent, eccentric, original, can be considered weird by some, passionate. FS can also take interest in the most uncommon hobbies, or have hobbies that are avant-garde. FS can often be popular and not get it or do not care. FS wants to be seen as different it's their pride lol.

♱ Pisces/ 12H/ 12°, 24°/ Neptune

FS can have Pisces rising, Pisces degree on their rising, or Jupiter/ Neptune in their 1H. They can also have a Jupiter or Neptune ruled Rising. FS can look young, can look younger than their real age. FS can look thick, curvy. FS can have shiny eyes, they can often seem like they are about to cry. FS can look innocent, sweet, nice. FS can be short, they can also have fair skin, or smooth one too. FS can look like they often daydream, in their world, they can be shy and not talk much at first. FS can be very nice, sweet, FS can be selfless, but can have hard time to put boundaries with people. Too nice. Can be naive too. FS loves art, music, etc. FS can easily be addicted to things. Can smoke or drink. FS can also look sleepy!

Thank you for reading!

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[historicity-was-already-taken]

Interesting thread just popped up on r/AITAH

It reads:

AITA for causing a scene after a class discussion about Holocaust ended up with my son being bullied?

My son (11M) has always been proud of his Polish heritage. Were Polish-American, and weve taught him a lot about our familys history. His great grandfather fought in the Armia Krajowa (the Polish Home army), which was one of the largest underground resistance movements in Nazi occupied Europe. He was wounded during the Warsaw Uprising, an effort where thousands of Polish civilians and soldiers rose up against the Nazis. Unfortunately, he was eventually captured by the Nazis and sent to KZ Stutthof, a concentration camp. Despite the unimaginable horrors there, he survived and later came to USA to rebuild his life, though he never forgot what he fought for. Recently, my sons class had a lesson about World War II and the Holocaust. After school, he came home unusually quiet. When I asked what was wrong, he told me the teacher said Poland helped the Nazis carry out the Holocaust. Apparently, the teacher claimed that Polish people were active collaborators and shared blame for the genocide. My son was horrified and so was I. He told me that after the lesson, one boy turned to him and said I guess that makes you a Nazi sympathizer. Other kids laughed. My son was devastated and just broke down crying. How could anyone say that? Poland was one of the first countries invaded by Nazi Germany, and over 6 million Polish citizens were killed, half of them were Jewish. The Nazis considered Poles to be subhuman and executed entire villages in retaliation for resistance efforts. And yet, even under the threat of death, many Poles risked their lives to save Jewish families. The egota Council was established solely to aid Jews, and people like Irena Sendler smuggled over 2,000 of Jewish children to safety. I emailed the teacher, assuming there was some misunderstanding. But instead of acknowledging the issue, he doubled down saying it was important to explore all perspectives and that Poland wasnt completely innocent. I was furious. Spreading falsehoods like that not only distorts history but also fuels antisemitism and hatred. It also completely disrespects people like my great grandfather, who put their lives on the line to fight the Nazis and endured unimaginable suffering in KZ Stutthof. The next day, I went to the school office and demanded a meeting with the principal. Ill admit, I wasnt calm and could've handled it much better and that's probably where I was the asshole for yelling and swearing at the staff who had nothing to do with it. But I told them how offensive it was to teach blatant misinformation, especially when it led to my son being bullied. I brought up historical facts, ncluding how the Armia Krajowa fought against both the Nazis and the Soviets, and how Polish resistance fighters were often tortured and executed. The teacher was there too, and instead of apologizing, he accused me of overreacting and claimed I was pushing nationalist propaganda. I reminded him that Yad Vashem honors over 7,000 Polish citizens as Righteous Among the Nations for risking their lives to save Jews, more than any other country. Now my wife (who doesn't have Polish ancestry) is saying I've made a scene and embarrassed the teacher, myself and my son and overall disagrees with me doing what I did. My sons still being called names, though the school promised to look into it. My wife thinks I should've handled it differently and not cause a scene or make a big deal about it, but my sister says supports me in my actions. While I agree I could've been calmer and handled it maybe privately, am I really the asshole for standing up for my history and most importantly my son? Am I also wrong to think that it's not acceptable that my wife is okay with my son being bullied in school?

I replied:

ESH, with the asshole scale pointing towards you. The Armja Krajowa was actively anti-Semitic and spent a lot of the time and effort they could have spent fighting the Nazis harassing Jewish partisans instead. They refused to share any intelligence with the Jewish underground and were adamantly opposed to the ghetto uprisings. During the Warsaw Uprising of 1944, the AK continued to harass Jews, accuse them of being Soviet spies, forced them to do the hardest most humiliating tasks, beat, and murdered them. The Armja Ludowa was better to the Jews, but there was still great anti-Semitism within its ranks. Though subject to genocidal conditions themselves, many Poles were complicit in the Holocaust, and felt strongly that if Hitler had to be there, at least he was getting rid of the Jews. The Polish undergrounds were heroic and exposed to genocidal conditions, but that doesn’t erase their complicity, and that complicity is 800% relevant in the context of Holocaust history. You behaved like a nationalist, revisionist, dick and you owe your child’s school an apology. THAT SAID. Your child’s teacher was also wrong. There were ordinary Poles across all levels of Polish society (the righteous gentiles) who risked their lives to aid the Jews. The righteous gentiles are important, and require a presence in these types of lessons. Source: am a Holocaust historian. My first book, a history of the Jewish resistance in Warsaw, will be released in October. ETA: Your kid's teacher also sucks for not intervening in the situation which led him to tears. Downvotes can't change the past, y'all.

The way Poles and Jews of Polish ancestry choose to remember these events is....fascinating, from a memory standpoint. But NUANCE, always.

[reptilian-rapscallian]

Right I usually only talk about the marauders but I need to talk about Dan and Phil for a second because the fan response to the livestream ticketing is ridiculous.

I'm going to quickly preface this by saying that yes, the hidden service charges were INSANE and unfair, but they've since stated that starting today they're going to do partial refunds and lower the prices so that they're balanced better. It's very clear that they didn't know about the service charges, and people suddenly trying to imply that it was a malicious decision are driving me up the wall.

Since that initial issue, people have taken it as an opportunity to not only be overly critical, but to just insult them???

Firstly, £12 as a starter price for a livestream ticket is reasonable. Literally every theatre livestream ticket I've ever seen has started at £16-£18 and gone up from there, so realistically this is a reasonable price!! Chances are they did their best to get it as low as they possibly could without losing money. Tours are fucking expensive, with most people who tour either making minimal money or breaking even (something not even that), and running under the assumption that they're absolutely LOADED when they've been very open about the fact that they've got a mortgage to pay is WILD. They need to make money to be able to make content!!

Also, the vast majority of their content is free. They have far more free and readily available content than most other influencers out there. People are acting like it's insane to briefly put the tour behind a paywall, like wad didn't get ads blocked STRAIGHT after it became free and readily available. Also, it's not just access to the tour that you're paying for? There's a preshow/'red carpet', and then an after-party q&a if you've opted for the £16 or any of the merch bundles. If you don't want to pay, the tour will STILL be available to you at some point, and I think it's wild to act like it's unfair that they need to make money? I'm sorry, but they need to be able to pay their bills.

One thing I feel like it's most important to acknowledge is that you're not being forced to buy it. People are acting like they were held at gunpoint and forced to check out with the service fees. If PayPal checked you out without showing you the service fees (which is a PayPal glitch, not an issue from Dan and Phil), then you can get a refund pretty easily. If not, you can email and chances are you'll get a refund (if you want the whole cost back and not just the service fees because those are getting automatically refunded). However, acting like you saw the service fees, had the money and checked out anyway, means that Dan and Phil forced you to do it is WILD. Dan making a joke with a fan about skipping work (in which they called their job one of the most important in the world) is NOT Dan forcing everybody to miss life events for the livestream and I'm so confused about why people are seeing it that way. You're not obligated to do anything, and being mad at Dan and Phil for releasing merch bundles at all after buying one is genuinely unfathomable to me as a thought process.

Also, acting like they're not taking it seriously enough when they're actively doing what people asked and resolving the issue is wild??? If they had released an overly professional "statement" you guys would have jumped to call them cold and uncaring. This was easily the best way they could have resolved the issue, and I'm genuinely so confused by everybody being so willing to insult Phil's response as if he didn't do EXACTLY what people wanted them to do??? Also being mad at them specifically for the merch not being available internationally (which is definitely an issue) is insane because they don't actually control the merch shipments??? Like why are they suddenly expected to change something that chances are they don't know how to change???

Suddenly jumping to insult them personally, or going out of your way to accuse them of being hyper-capitalists is uncalled for and just plain rude. It was this shit that kept me from taking part in the online communities pre-hiatus, and I'm genuinely really frustrated to see it coming back. Acting like they're the biggest depiction of capitalism is insane. Have you ever shopped at Amazon? Literally any major supermarket? Any name brand ever? They're bigger examples of submitting to a capitalist regime than Dan and Phil!! As much as we can all (rightfully) criticise our capitalist society, we all have to feed into it to survive because it's so deeply ingrained into our lives. They need to eat, they need to pay their bills, and they're doing their best to make it fun for their audience.

Yes, the hidden service fees were insane. Yes, the merch bundles not being available internationally is upsetting. However, they're literally doing everything in their power to fix it, and were clearly unaware of these things before the tickets went on sale.

There's a difference between rightfully pointing out issues and just insulting them personally and being really shit about them??? They haven't forced you to buy anything and they're resolving the issue. Calm tf down.

[sinofwriting]

Wait - Ollie Bearman

Words: 4,936 Summary: Ollie Bearman doesn’t wear necklaces, it’s just not his thing. So why during the 2023 Mexico GP is he spotted wearing a necklace with a familiar ring hanging from the chain Note(s)/Warning(s): This is in fact the purity ring fic. It’s a bit NSFW. Reader is Max Verstappen’s little sister. I nearly included lestappen because the idea of both Verstappen siblings dating a Ferrari (or Ferrari adjacent) driver was funny to me, but I didn’t. Also, thank you to all the people who told me to write this. I’m going to go somewhere, but I’m glad I did!

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A ring sits on her finger. The same finger that will one day have an engagement ring then a wedding band to join. The band is thin with two knots and between both knots are four tiny pearls, barely the size of a grain of rice and in the middle of those four pearls is a mix of her birthstone and Max’s. She had gotten it when she was eleven shortly after she had heard Max joking with some of his friends about sex and she went to their mom asking what exactly they meant and for the past six years it had sat there.

It was the first big purchase Max had made with his F1 paycheck. The seventeen year old had felt ashamed and horrified at his baby sister overhearing the things him and friends were joking about. And even worse when their mom had to give her the talk. It had been nothing however compared to what their father had thought when learning of it. Max had swore his ears were ringing as Jos had yelled at him for first having his friends around her and second talking about sex when he knew that she was in the house and liked to randomly join them.

The ring had been a nice way to ease the tension and though he had been a bit red as he explained what it was to her, she had nodded along with his explanation, looking serious before putting it on and then smiling at him and hugging him.

At eleven it hadn’t really been an issue, wearing a purity ring, promising that she’d wait to be married before having sex. It hadn’t been a problem when she was fifteen and her first spike of hormones hit and suddenly sex wasn’t something that felt so far away or like a weird foreign concept. It hadn’t been a problem at sixteen either when she got her first boyfriend, who Max had quickly run off.

It had started to be a problem after she turned seventeen and got together with Ollie.

Ollie who she was never supposed to meet. Was only supposed to know of because she followed F2 and F3. But then she joined Max for the remainder of the 2022 season in July. Done with school and unsure if she wanted to go to Uni, unsure really of what she wanted to do.

She had planned to stay home with her mom, putter about the house, maybe do some small writing for Redline and Verstappen.com that she’d email to Kris, who would send her the money that they got paid for them instead of submitting them herself where Max would be sure to give her a stupid amount of money for something that took maybe thirty minutes to write.

But then Max had heard about her plans and she was officially employed by her brother. Managing his website, instagram, and Redline’s social media, going with him to every race, which meant that she had far too much free time and meant that she found herself following around Jack Crawford as he finished up his F3 season which meant running into Ollie Bearman.

Ollie, who was so unexpectedly sweet and cute, who made all the blood rush to her face as her heart worked overtime, made butterflies appear in her stomach.

It had been the second time that they saw each other that he had asked her on a date and now a year later, the two are now both eighteen and head over heels in love, and the ring that rests on her left ring finger feels more like a nuisance.

She had never had sex, hadn’t even really touched or been touched until Ollie but as the F2 season had grown to a close it felt like that was all that was on her mind and Ollie’s.

The kisses they shared when alone quickly grew into heated make out sessions and when they had time, they found themselves in his hotel room under the covers, underwear still on but hands exploring each other’s bodies.

She falls in love with the pattern of freckles on his back and the way he shivers when she traces them with her fingers. The spot above his heart that always makes his breath hitch when she kisses it. His strong calves that always tense right after his thighs when she settles on his lap. His hands and how much bigger than hers they are. And his fingers that he lets her play with, kiss and nibble at just to see and hear the stuttered breath he gives as his cheeks turn red.

He falls in love with the small tattoo that still only he knows she has, it’s small enough to just barely be hidden by even her more risqué bikinis. The scar she has on her knee that makes her shiver when his fingers or lips touch it. The soft skin of the underside of her breasts, because it feels nice to stroke when he gets the chance to dip his hands underneath her bra. The moan she gives when he settles in between her thighs and rests his weight on top of her as they kiss.

Ollie knows what the ring is, what it means, what she promised Max. It’s the one thing that always reminds him to stop, that pulls him back when he’s about to dip his fingers beneath her underwear to feel her wetness against his fingers or about to ask her to take her bra off, to let him see more of her. The feeling of her ring always draws him back. Makes him refocus on just kissing her and not getting ahead of himself before he makes another mess of himself.

He sees it every time he sees her, he kisses it every time he lifts her hand to his lips, first kissing the ring, a silent promise to himself that one day he’ll replace it with a ring of his own, before kissing her hand.

So Ollie doesn’t think anything when he comes home from simulator work to his flat in Maranello smelling like brownies. It had taken a bit to convince Max that she didn’t want to go home but rather wanted to go on a little trip with her friends. She just neglected to mention that there was no trip, and by friends she meant boyfriend, and really she meant during the week break they’d have she’d be going to Italy to stay with Ollie.

“That smells so good.” Ollie groans, kicking his shoes off before moving further into the flat.

She beams at him, accepting the kiss he presses to her cheek. “I know you had dinner there so I made brownies. And not a whole pan.” She adds. “I know you can’t indulge too much.”

“Thank you.” He murmurs, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her back into him.

He starts to sway them both as he stares at the small pan of brownies, the smell of them mouthwatering.

“Can I have one?”

“They like just got out of the oven.”

He pouts, bending his neck and pressing his face into her neck. “Please?”

“You’re going to burn your fingers and mouth.” She laughs.

“Pretty please?” He tries.

She makes a humming noise, one he feels more than hears. “Only if you give me a kiss first.”

“Deal.”

She giggles as he quickly turns her in his arms. “Hi.” She greets as she wraps her arms around his neck.

“Hi.” He parrots back and the thought of the brownies are gone from his mind as he looks at her.

She’s got a piece of his merch on, one of the sample sweatshirts, but also a pair of his boxer briefs. It’s like she’s drowning in him and he just wants to add to it.

Pressing their lips together, he grunts when her nails dig lightly into the back of his neck.

“Sorry.” She murmurs against his lips.

He shakes his head, “it’s fine.”

They stand there for a while just kissing, but then his hands are moving underneath the top she’s wearing, grasping at her hips before fingers trail up her sides before back down and she’s pulling him to his bedroom.

They’ve done this so much that it takes barely any time for him to take his FDA polo off and then his jeans before joining her in bed, settling between her thighs. It doesn’t however stop him from rocking his hips into hers a couple of times before he can stop himself, hunger only growing when her hips hitch upwards and she’s wrapping a leg around him, pulling him closer.

“Fuck, darling.” He gasps, pressing kisses to her exposed throat.

She moans, her hands resting on his bare back and it’s the feeling of her ring that makes him stop. Hips nearly thrusting again when she whines, but he tenses his whole body, not letting it loosen even when he kisses her again, swallowing the next whine she lets out.

His right hand makes his way underneath her top as they continue to kiss, his body relaxing into hers as he gets control of himself again.

As his fingers creep up her side, he wonders what they’ll feel. The spandex of her sports bra? The cotton or whatever it is of the one bra she likes to wear to media days? Maybe lace? His mind spins at the last option and he gulps.

She’s only worn lace once and it was on their year anniversary, their first approved sleepover. Though Max had made sure to get her from his hotel room at 11 am. But he considers they have the rest of the week just them together and he doesn’t have to go into the factory anymore. And she made him brownies, homemade. He knows because of the way she had been standing at the kitchen counter, carefully looking at them. So, maybe another treat for him was her wearing lace.

But as fingers reach where he’d normally feel the edge of something there is nothing. He goes to frown but before he can, her chest rises, his fingers graze the underside of her left breast and his hips are snapping into her again.

“Oh my god.” She moans at the feeling.

“Fuck.” He curses and he feels out of breath as he feels more of her. “You’re not,” he mutters. “You’re not wearing anything.”

She shakes her head, bucking her hips wanting more friction. “Please, Ollie. Want more, want it off.”

He should be saying no, he can already feel his control hanging by thread at the knowledge that she’s not wearing a bra, he doesn’t know what he’ll do if he sees her boobs for the first time, but he’s backing away, letting her sit up, and she’s flinging his sweatshirt off.

His jaw drops at the sight, eyes wide and his dick twitches. He sees the way she bites at her lips, arms starting to come up and he’s quick to react. Fingers touching the soft skin, thumbs rubbing at her nipples as he sort of holds them.

“Pretty.” He manages to get out and feels himself blush.

“Can we kiss again?”

Ollie nods, eager.

He carefully lays next to her, drawing her on top of him, the two both gasping at the feeling of her bare breasts resting on his bare chest.

His hands dance up and down her back, sometimes his pinky fingers dipping below the waistband of his boxer briefs that she’s wearing before moving back up again as they kiss, hips still moving together.

When she shifts a little on top of him, moaning, he grasps at her hips, stopping her from moving as he feels himself twitch and he just knows that he has to be leaking, creating a wet spot in his underwear.

“We have to stop.”

“I’m close though.”

His head falls back and he groans. “I am too.”

“I,” She stops, thinking of the lingerie she had brought with her, the dinner reservation she had made for herself and Ollie tomorrow night, the necklace chain also in her suitcase. “I want more.” She says, before taking a deep breath and meeting his eyes. “I want to have sex with you.”

He’s looking at her wide eyes and she’d think that he didn’t want her back if she couldn’t feel how hard he was underneath her. “But,” his eyes dart to her left hand. “I thought we were waiting.”

She feels blood rush to her cheeks at his whisper, at the promise he made for and to her.

She had been nervous when telling Ollie about her purity ring and about she would like to wait awhile, maybe even till marriage to have sex, especially after he shared that he had already had sex before. But he had been surprisingly okay with it after he had a few days to think and wrap his head around it, and not that she knew but to talk to his dad about it, before he came back said that he’d wait as long as she wanted.

“I mean, we did.” She whispers back. “I just, I think you’re the one, ya’know. And even if you aren’t, I can’t see myself ever regretting you.”

There’s a stinging in his eyes and he clears his throat. “Okay.” He shifts her down a bit so he can sit up, pressing their lips together. “Okay.”

Her hands cup his cheeks as they kiss while his hands stay on her hips. Not moving or doing anything despite the fact that she’s given the all clear. It’s one of her hands dropping from his face to trail down his body, that makes his hands move, grabbing her ass, pressing her down and closer. It makes her gasp.

“Ollie.”

He groans at the sound of her moaning his name. His eyes dart to his nightstand, where there should be some condoms in the drawer with lube as well and then he’s cursing, hands falling away from her. “We have to stop, darling. I’m sorry.”

“But,” She shifts on top of him and he swears again when he looks down and sees a wet patch peeking out from where she’s sitting on top of him.

“I know, but I don’t have any condoms.” He feels himself flush, “I threw them away after we got serious since I figured it wouldn’t happen for a few years.”

“No.” She whines, heading dropping onto his shoulder as her whole body sags.

She hadn’t thought about buying condoms, mainly because despite the lingerie she packed and the dinner reservation, she hadn’t actually planned on them having sex. She just wanted more, even some dry humping or at the very least to feel fingers against her that weren’t her own.

“I could pull out.” The words are weak to his own ears.

She lifts her head slightly to look at him. “Do you really think you could?”

“I could run and get some condoms.” He really doesn’t feel like getting back in the car, doesn’t feel like leaving her, but he’d do it.

“No,” she shakes her head. She didn’t like the idea of being alone, waiting for him to come back with condoms. Or him putting clothes back on, the idea makes her nose wrinkle. She then pauses as something comes to mind. “How’s your Italian?”

His brows furrow at the question. “It’s decent. Basic and more strategy and car related. But I get by, why?” “I was thinking of Plan B.”

“Plan B?” His brows furrow more before it clicks and his eyes widen, “oh, Plan B.”

“Yeah, I’d still want it even if you do end up pulling out, but I don’t think that will happen.”

He wants to protest, deny, argue that he absolutely could pull out, but it’d be a lie.

“Ollie.” She whines nearly an hour later as he tries to get her to separate her thighs.

“You’re all sticky.” He tells her. “I need to clean you up before it dries.” And god was it a bitch to clean up dried cum. “I’ll be quick.” He promises.

She pouts, but lets her thighs fall apart, wincing at the burning muscles.

He swallows at the sight of their mixed release. He hadn’t managed to pull out the first time, but the second he had managed to, only to finish practically in her anyways. And it was worse because of her own two orgasms that added to the mess. Taking the damp cloth, he carefully cleans her up, apologizing when she whines when he presses a bit too much on her clit.

“Much better.” He grins, when he’s done. Throwing the cloth in the direction of his laundry hamper.

“Cuddle?” She asks, making grabby hands at him and eagerly joins her again in bed, slipping the covers over both of them. “That’s better.” She mumbles, when they settle together and he laughs, pressing a kiss to her head.

It’s hard for him to leave when he wakes up in the morning. They’re still both naked and she’s sleeping peacefully beside him. But he’d rather go and get her the Plan B now, then put it off until later when she’ll be fully awake.

Rolling to his side, he presses a series of light kisses to her face. She mumbles a bit and he chuckles. “I’ve got to go, darling.”

She mumbles again, turning to lay on her side as well.

“I’ve got to go. I’ll be right back.”

“Where are you going?” Her voice is low, thick with sleep.

“I need to get some things real quickly. I’ll be back in thirty minutes, okay?”

“Do you have to?” She pouts.

“I’ll be quick.” He promises, bending to kiss her.

It takes him barely any time to get the Plan B and condoms, though he had stumbled his way through Italian to get the Plan B before just pulling up a picture of it.

“Darling?” He calls when he gets back.

“Kitchen.” She calls back, a hint of sleep still in her voice.

With the bag hanging from his finger, he walks to the kitchen. “I got you Plan B and condoms for me, just in case.”

“No, just in case. I’d like a repeat.”

He grins at her, setting the bag on the counter. “Yeah?”

She nods, bottom lip between her teeth. “Yeah.”

Bending, he captures her lips in a quick kiss, humming.

“Want to do brownies for breakfast?”

His eyes widen and they dart to the counter. “I completely forgot you even made those!”

“I’ll take that a yes?”

“Please!”

Cutting him a piece and then one of herself, she puts them on a plate as Ollie gets them both something to drink before they both go to the living room and sit on the couch.

“These are so good.” He mumbles, catching a crumb before it can fall.

“You say that everytime.”

“Because it’s true! These are really good.”

Her brownie was a good bit smaller than his so as soon as she finishes her, she’s standing up and retrieving something from her suitcase, ignoring him asking where she’s going.

Sitting back down, she places a box in his lap.

“What is this?” He asks, setting the plate on the coffee table, only a few crumbs on it.

“I bought it for you a while ago and have been carrying it around since, just wasn’t sure when exactly I’d give it to you.”

He looks at her intrigued, before looking back at the box and carefully opening it.

Ollie’s brows furrow at the thin chain that rests inside. It was nice, very nice, though not by a brand that he recognized. It was also a weird gift considering he didn’t wear necklaces, though if he was going to wear one, it would be this one.

“What’s it for?” He asks.

“I, uh,” she stutters a bit over her words, playing her ring before carefully pulling it off, flexing her fingers at the odd sensation of it not being there. “It’s for this.” And she drops the ring she’s worn since she was eleven into his palm.

“But this is yours.”

“And I can’t wear it anymore.” She tells him. “I intended to wait longer to have sex, but I don’t regret last night and I won’t regret anything we do in the future. It’s yours now and I kind of liked the idea of you carrying it with you wherever you go.”

He stares at the ring, tries to ignore the pulse of want and smugness, because he got to have her first and he was fairly certain he’d be her only and last.

Lifting the chain out of the box, he carefully unclasps it, threading the ring on, before clasping it around his neck, the ring resting just below the hollow of his neck, easily hidden behind any shirt he wears if he has it tucked in.

Turning his neck, the sensation of something there is odd and he says that. “It’ll take some getting used to, but I like it.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

It doesn’t take him long to get used to the necklace and he practically never takes it off, only in the shower or when doing certain training sessions and it hasn’t happened yet but when he has to get into the F1 car and then his F2 car, he’ll be taking it off then as well.

No one really notices his new accessory, he’s not doing much on social media, his mum and dad had asked him about it and he had flushed but just said that it was something she had gotten for him and lucky they didn’t press for more. It gives a false sense of security that comes crashing down in Mexico.

He’s on a bit of a high for doing his first free practice and not placing dead last even though it’s only free practice and placing doesn’t really matter. He’s out of his race suit, having been able to not shower but wipe himself down with a damp towel before getting back into the Haas polo and jumping in to do more media. And as he does some interviews he doesn’t notice the way her ring that’s kept underneath his shirt is on full display.

But it does come to his attention when he finally gets his phone and sees so many mentions and a strange text full of exclamation marks that has him quickly hitting the call button.

“Is everything okay? I got a weird text from you.”

“Ollie.”

“What’s wrong?” He’s about to exit the Haas hospitality, he could be at Red Bull’s in about a minute at the strained sound of her voice.

“My ring, everyone saw my ring.”

His eyes widen and he’s cursing. “Oh no.”

“Yeah.”

“And they all know.”

“Yeah.” She confirms again. “Because Max had to make it clear what the ring was.” She laughs, but it’s clear that she’s on the verge of tears, her voice tight. The sound has him wanting to wrap in his arms, shield her away, but it also has him confused. She never cared about what fans thought of her. She was very much like her brother in that matter. It was all water off a duck’s back.

“What’s wrong, darling?” He asks, dropping his voice as someone looks at him weirdly.

“I just, Max hadn’t noticed, no one has really. And I don’t regret it Ollie, but that was a promise I made to Max, to save myself.” The last three words come out as a whisper. “And now he’s going to find out because the whole of F1 twitter is talking about it. I should’ve told him.”

“It’ll be okay.” He reassures her, but now the realization has hit that he’s going to have deal with Max and not just Max, but Daniel and Charles and fucking Arthur, which is a bit insulting because it’s Arthur of all people, but the Leclerc’s liked her a lot, Charles liked to argue with Max that she was actually their younger sister and not Max’s, which lead to a headache of bickering between the two drivers.

“Can I come to you?”

He looks down at his watch even though he knows that he doesn’t have any more interviews, just needs to stay to watch the last session play out since he already did his debriefing as well. “Yeah, do you want me to walk you over?”

“No, I’ll be there in a second.”

Meeting her at the doors of the hospitality, he quickly ushers her in before leading her to a back corner, the both of them sinking to the floor, somewhat hidden from view by a couch.

“You alright?”

“Yeah.” She breathes, pressing close to him. “I just should’ve said something to Max. I just didn’t want to say anything y’know?” And he can feel her nose wrinkle at the idea and his does the same. Because yeah it was a bit gross to think about telling your sibling that you’ve had sex just so they won’t be blindsided by the media.

“He’s gonna hate me again.” She doesn’t say anything and he groans, throwing his head back against the wall. “I just made some progress with him.”

“I know, bear.” She murmurs, kissing his cheek. “I could put it back on? Say that I gave it to you as a good luck charm.”

It’s a good idea, a perfect solution for their problem, but it’s clear that she doesn’t like the idea and he doesn’t like the idea either. He’s grown used to the small weight of the ring resting below the hollow of his throat and he’s not fond of the idea of seeing a ring that’s not his on her ring finger again.

“Maybe I should propose.”

She jerks away from him like she’s been burned.

“Fuck, that’s not what I meant.” He quickly says. “I just, I don’t want to give it back. I don’t want to see you wearing it again and I just,” he waves his hands around. “My brain was running. I’m sorry.”

Her eyes are focused on his and she slowly presses back into him, though she keeps her head pulled back so they can look at each other. “Is that something you really want in the future? To be married to me?”

“One hundred percent.”

She blinks at the quick response, a smile starting to bloom on her face.

“Not now, just because I don’t want to rely on nothing but sponsors and my dad for money, but maybe once I got an F1 seat and then got a contract extension or new seat. I’d have money to help support us, to buy you a nice ring, house.” He hopes that she can’t tell how much he’s thought about this, how much he’s rambled to both Jak and Fred about this even though if either of them got the chance they’d happily rat him out for being such a preteen girl, and he just knows that Jak told Fred what that means.

“I want that too.”

Ollie wonders if him intending on marrying her, on putting a ring on her finger will lessen the brunt of anger he’s sure to receive and it doesn’t.

“You defiled my sister!”

The eighteen years old both make a face at the Dutch man’s words.

“No one defiled anyone.”

Max ignores her, glaring at the British driver. “You touched her.”

Ollie nearly reaches out for her hand, but keeps his hands to himself, as he gives a tiny nod.

“Max, it’s alright. I wanted it.”

Max and Daniel both make a face at her words. “Ew. You shouldn’t even know what it is.”

“Well, Max kind of ruined that for me when I was eleven.” She snarks and her brother flushes.

“Which is why I gave you the ring! You were supposed to save yourself for marriage! Keep yourself away from boys like Ollie!”

“What’s wrong with me?” He asks, offended.

“You’re a teenager.” Daniel tells him with a shrug. “And you’ve got a dick. That’s all it really takes.”

“What happened to waiting?” Max asks, voice a little quieter as he looks at her.

“Max,” she starts and then includes the Alpha Tauri driver who’s inched closer. “Daniel. I thought I was going to wait for marriage, or at least a few more years, but Ollie,” she pauses, feeling blood rush to her cheeks. “Ollie feels like the one.” She reaches out for his hand, intertwining their fingers. “And even if he isn’t, I won’t regret what we did.”

The two older men stare at her, at them. One who can remember holding her just hours after she was born, and the other who got to know her shortly after Max’s fuck up when she was eleven. Both her brothers, one just a bit longer than the other.

Max swallows harshly, the full realization hitting him that his baby sister isn’t a baby anymore. She’s an adult and he’s never really had the right to get mad at her for things she does but he really doesn’t now. He can feel Daniel standing behind him, and knows that the older man will go with him whatever way he chooses.

Stepping forward, he pulls her into a hug and wonders where the time has gone. “As long as you don’t regret it, yeah?”

She hugs him back tighter, tension in her shoulders loosening at his acceptance. “Yeah. Love you, Maxy.”

He laughs, a quiet thing. “Love you too.”

[respectthepetty]

I wanna talk about the toe

You know, the scene where Fujisawa squeezed Sei's injured toe!

In the first episode, Kaori stated that a broken nail was actually a simple fracture and really just needed a little care to strengthen it.

Which is exactly what she did for Sei

But just like everything else in this show, this discussion isn't about a toe. The toe could be about the embarrassment we feel, so we continue to suffer even when an easy fix exists.

And it could also be about the true source of pain.

Kaori and Fujisawa are not bad people, and the show hasn't presented them as such, but Sei questioned if Kaori was aware of how upset Hagiwara was about the growing distance in their relationship.

Then the show immediately answered that question through Ayako's testimony. Kaori isn't just aware; she's happy about their situation.

Sei also asked what Kaori didn't like about Hagiwara.

And the show answered that as well. Kaori doesn't like that he is a man.

They aren't broken. It could just be a fracture. And there is an easy fix. But instead, they continue to suffer.

Then there is the actual toe, which is Sei's toe. He hit his foot on the table, in the house of a man who designs furniture.

Yet Fujisawa is rarely home.

Sei hurt his foot after Fujisawa avoided their conversation, and Fujisawa hadn't been home or spoken to Sei since, which is why he barely found out that Sei had hurt his foot after dinner. Then, he immediately squeezed the toe.

Regardless if Fujisawa designed the table that Sei accidentally walked into, he was part of the reason Sei was in pain. And at first, I felt he wasn't to blame and thought he didn't even notice. But just like with Kairo, he is aware. And he keeps doing it. He squeezed Sei's toe. He just heard the story about how it was hurt. He was looking directly at the toe. And. He. Squeezed. It. He wasn't even gentle when taking off Sei's sock.

Sei excuses the behavior and tells him it doesn't even hurt anymore, but this is the basis of their entire relationship it seems. Fujisawa does something that hurts Sei, and Sei lets it go. It's a vicious little cycle.

Once again, the show hasn't painted anyone as the villain, yet Sei has specifically stated multiple times who he thinks is a "good man," and it isn't Fujisawa.

During this scene, Hagiwara questions Sei about what Fujisawa does for him that makes Sei want to be nice back to him, and the only thing of substance Sei offers is that Fujisawa agreed to live with him.

He states Fujisawa is patient with him, but Fujisawa also demands he never meet up with his pen pal. Sei also states that Fujisawa concedes often, yet the friend they just encountered stated that if anyone wanted to speak to Sei, they had to go through Fujisawa.

It's all very normal behavior due to the circumstances. None of it seems malevolent. And yet Fujisawa wasn't interested in Sei's foot until Sei mentioned that he spoke to his co-worker who asked his girlfriend to look at his foot. Then, he squeezed the toe, which is an odd reaction. Or is it all very normal behavior due to the circumstances?

Sei doesn't have friends. He never attended the work dinners before. Yet now he is going out for dinners, has a co-worker whose girlfriend helped him, has another co-worker who is a bit afraid of him and he finds it funny, and a pen pal who has a girlfriend who he chats with through an email account that just happens to be Fujisawa's name and birthday.

Which reminds me of this co-worker and her wild story.

The woman is in a bad relationship. She is aware that she is in a bad relationship. There is an easy fix. But she doesn't leave.

Everyone, including Kairo and Fujisawa, are very aware of the situation that is unraveling in their relationships, but nobody wants to apply the easy fix. They are avoiding the issues and causing more suffering. Which is strange because Sei and Hagiwara have been shown to take responsibility and fix problems.

So why doesn't Kairo tell Hagiwara that she isn't sexually attracted to him anymore when he tries to initiate sex? Why doesn't Fujisawa tell Sei about his feelings (of jealously) instead of squeezing his toe? Because the easy fixes require communication, and they refuse to communicate, which is why this entire relationship between Hagiwara and Sei extended beyond one email.

Because it was never about the toe.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for not having time to read my mutual's writing?

Met a mutual on here, bonded through fanfic, have been tight with them for a few years with pretty much no bumps in the relationship, just overall had a really good time hanging around them when I could. We both write a lot and share our writing, and occasionally we talk about that writing/workshop it in passing.

In the past few years I've gone through a ton of life changes. Most notably I went from a multi-person household to a single-person one, and I've been living alone in a prohibitively costly city for a while now working 40 hour weeks and barely scraping by. As soon as the transition started I spent the last of my free income on a shitty little laptop so I could still write, putting down words on my bus/train commutes in the morning and quite literally writing on my breaks at work because I feel insane when I can't create. I bring this up to really stress that I don't have the time for the hobby, I force myself to make the time and even then it never feels like enough.

The only thing I can really stand to do with my 3 hours of free time at night is hang out with my moots online. I'm an extrovert so being around people recharges me. If I don't have designated social time I get super depressed and can pretty much feel my soul withering away. I also feel like I should probably mention that I kinda have a slew of mental issues, personality disorders and PTSD and AuDHD and the works. Point being, shit is rough my dude, but I am a person who likes to work hard and face challenges head on and even though we strugglin, we doing it with a positive outlook.

But! I am an incredibly solution-oriented person and I have found what I personally believe to be a good balance. No one should have to live like this, but I do, and I have found a way to be happy. My writing and my social time is all load-bearing. It is not something I just choose to do on a whim, it's all planned and scheduled and I adhere to those routines very strictly because, I cannot stress this enough, I will go fucking bonkers if I don't.

I'm mutuals with a lot of writers obv, and I sadly don't have time to read their work anymore, unless I get some extra time on my days off or something gets cancelled or like, I end up taking a vacation. I carry a great amount of guilt for this, though, even though I logically know it's reasonable. I try to support them where I can, cheer them on when I see them writing and tell them how cool their ideas sound, hype them up even when I can't actually read & review.

One of the things I do is sometimes I leave a kudos on fic I haven't read. I'm not trying to be ingenuine, and if they asked me I'd tell them like 'Oh I didn't read it yet, just wanted to show support!' but to me it's kinda like ripping a paper tab off a poster so that other's feel inclined to do the same. Plus my pals get a little email and a hit of serotonin.

Except one of my acquaintances, the one I mentioned at the start here, saw that I left kudos on a couple pieces another mutual of mine wrote this year. They more or less blew up my DMs with a ton of accusatory (like, literally presented like a 'GOTCHA!') stuff about how I was selective in who's fic I read, more or less implying that I secretly held some sort of grudge or negative feeling toward them and was making the conscious decision not to read or interact with their writing because of. Something, I don't actually know what they were trying to say. They also told me they vented to their friends about this MULTIPLE times, but they never once approached me to let me know they were feeling paranoid or neglected, they literally just took the most bad faith reading of it possible and then presented that to me like it was something I intentionally did, while the whole time I was unaware.

I tried to explain to them the kudos thing, that I didn't do it to every story, just ones I caught/noticed in my busy schedule. And I laid all this out and asked, multiple times, what free time am I supposed to read with? They didn't answer, and doubled down, kept trying to show me 'proof' that I was shorting them and no one else. Once they started to realize how wrong they were they backed down, but they didn't really apologize, or admit they were wrong, and they tried to end our relationship and left every single server we were in together. Because of some other unrelated stuff going on in my life, I didn't really consider them to be a close friend, but they were someone I really held dear and would've walked through hell for if they'd asked.

I still feel like there is something I'm missing here, and that's why I wanted to ask if I'm TA. I'm a pretty good communicator but one of the things I told myself when talking down my disordered thoughts (guilt about this prior) was "no one in their right mind would use reading fanfic as a metric for friendship." Now that I've had that exact thing happen, I'm starting to think maybe those thoughts weren't so disordered. Maybe this IS a big deal, and I should think about it more, but I don't even know what the solution to that would be. I just. Don't have time to read something lovingly crafted and appreciate it for what it is. All the hours in my week are used up, I'd have to lose sleep for this and with my mental health the way it is that is not an option.

Feel free to be a brutal, my skin is thick. Thanks!

What are these acronyms?

[soliloquent-stark]

i just watched thunderbolts and here are some rambly thoughts (don't read if you expect incredibly nuanced takes. also, obviously, spoilers coming up):

i am saddened that for the first time in a while, i left the cinema feeling pretty negative after watching a mcu movie. i was so hyped to see this; people made it seem like it'll be so amazing, the promo was so over the top, the trailers were great, some people even said it was their favourite mcu movie in a long time (or ever) and that it rivaled catws (spoiler: it doesn't). and it's wild to me that captain america brave new world had way worse ratings, less hype, less promo (doesn't surprise me...) when to me it was a way more enjoyable movie. i am kinda baffled and confused.

yes, thunderbolts has good moments. yelena was quite wonderful, as expected, and there was a few funny moments, some emotional beats, a pretty decent attempt at exploring loneliness and mental health issues (not perfectly so, but what can we expect). the visual effects were cool, and i really liked the eeriness of the void (both the black shadows, and the void itself, the way going from room to room was depicted and going back into their memories, and especially seeing more of the red room. that was nice). that's... about it, i think?

i am a big bucky fan, that's true. so maybe i am biased in feeling disappointed with how he was written, but i am. i am not saying he should've been the main character, but i expected way more. really hot take here: his role could've been played by another character and the results would've been pretty much the same. ava brought specific skills to the table, so did yelena (and she brought her dad along), even john with his stupid military knowledge and the shield etc saved their ass in a way maybe someone else wouldn't have. at the very least, scenes were written with that in mind, to highlight their skills. it felt like they really had to work together to get out of that bunker, and they were pretty well defined. but after that? unless i am mistaken and don't remember, bucky hasn't done anything that only his specific set of skills or knowledge could've done. i am not saying that to shade him, i am saying it because they had bucky, sebastian stan at their disposal, and he was kinda bland and completely overshadowed by everyone else. i mean yeah the motorcycle scene was cool... but?? i am glad they at least didn't include him in the whole speech about people who need to redeem themselves, they probably anticipated the backlash on that, but otherwise it felt like they really disrespected his character and journey once more. and goofy bits aside (for example, them all, one by one, saving people, then together holding a rock up... like okay, sweet idea i guess, and clearly showing why the marketing was effective afterwards, but like... c'mon now. the same way they kept having val say her plans to her assistant as a way for us to understand what's going on. such lazy writing omg) all that aside, the plot was kinda flat and predictable, one hour in and all the events had already been showed in the trailer, and at no point did we really feel any mystery or had to wonder what the bad guy is up to or where the movie is headed. it's just wild to me that this movie has better ratings than brave new world like whattt (and i will get to sam in a second). also another bit of lazy writing was how quickly mel turned on val (just to then, of course, unturn when it was convenient for the plot) and just called bucky up to spill everything like c'monnn ok yeah he's charming but?? yet another moment where there wasn't any cool old school spying or hacking happening, they were just... fed information and they just showed up. this movie could've been an email ngl, with the way they fucked the pacing and spent so long on some bits and then completely rushed the ending. but yeah you have ava and bucky there and you give us nothingggg about their lives, just one dimensional all around; we found out more about what's happening in walker's life and his emotional state than bucky's — but of course they were gonna glaze over the woman of colour but also somehow the fan favourite popular character who's been in the franchise for over a decade and somehow keeps getting disrespected every project. ugh. and sebastian was kinda acting like he didn't wanna be there, maybe that's what happens when you're not acting alongside anthony, but he seemed bored and flat and i know he's an amazing actor and a great bucky but i don't know, it truly felt off. maybe it's the divorce, maybe in the half a year or whatever how long it's been since cabnw there's been an actual breakup between them because what the hell was with that energy...

i am sure there's more i am forgetting but now regarding the ending: what the fuck. okay yeah i expected them to form a team under a different name because of the stupid asterisk, but more in the direction of like, dark avengers or something. 'new avengers' is just a slap in the face to sam and the avengers' legacy (especially after bucky made a whole deal about how that shield is steve's legacy and how sam threw it away and all that stuff i don't wanna rehash but sam was in the right and now look who's not worried about messing up the legacy?) and THEY WENT WITH IT? WHY DID THEY GO WITH IT? why would a team of badass people who hate taking orders just... go with it. to have leverage over her? ok cool you're professional assassins you could make her disappear in a second. you could put her in jail in no time. how was she legally able to stand there and tell everyone she brought a way to protect america and suddenly it's all okay? they could've easily told everyone the danger was due to bob which was hear creation and that she really needs to be locked up?? yes i understand they're protecting him but like what the fuck how is she not at the very least impeached. or maybe she was but then WHY are they still a team fourteen months later? AND GOING AGAINST SAM. that is the biggest disrespect i could've imagined and i was shocked by that last scene. i love bucky so much. i love sam so much. i love sambucky so much. so my brain melted at the idea that they're still doing it without sam, calling themselves the new avengers, and then actually saying his name out loud and disrespecting him so badly. the ONLY TIME they acknowledge that there is a captain america, a non enhanced captain america who just protected everyone from the red hulk, in a movie full of supersoldiers, is when they complain about him. and bucky lets it happen?? and moreover, they make it seem like they fought (which i understand, i would also fight with him over this if i were sam??) and it just makes no sense. why would you do that? after tfatws, after framed photo in the office, after i love you buddy, we get no mention of him in the movie, no respect showed to him, and then bucky not defending him?? this is HELL this is the bad timeline and i know i should expect this from marvel but with the other movie being only from a few months ago i thought we established they're on good terms so i am just confused and betrayed and SAM DESERVES BETTER. (and surely deserves better than having people now call him names and completely dragging him for taking legal action against this bs. not to mention his legal action was merely a trademark... get tf out of here) bucky deserves better too in the way that what the fuck is he doing why is not retired or fighting by sam's side WHY IS HE IN CONGRESS that was still not fully discussed like?? what, to bring val down because she was experimenting on humans and he is against that? well um now you work for her like what?? also who voted him in how did any of that make sense and also the way pretty much none of his plot had anything to do with him being in congress. he could've been watching the hearing on tv. he could've snuck into the gala and talked to the assistant as a civilian. what was the purpose of him being in congress? or you're telling me he will continue to be, after all this mess, and there will be a point later on?? why is he putting up with any of it. besides the fact his hair looked amazing in that last scene and he looked like prince charming i have zero good things to say about that and i wish it never happened. god the more i think about it the more angry i get. also where are all the other avengers guysssss stand UP. sam pick up the phone network around and you'll have them rounded up within the week how are y'all letting this happen !!! ok rant over

edit to add: civil war and all THAT didn't happen just for the 'avengers' to led by a member of the government. not even the UN, or an ethical body of sorts, no, just ONE corrupted and awful CIA director. how the FUCK would bucky stand for that and how is that not a slap in the face to steve, sam, nat, and everyone else affected by the accords (and this is coming from a tony stan)